hiks moment of January

"Pas perjalan pulang, aku menghitung berapa kali aku menyebrang jalan. Lima. Lima kali itulah rasanya aku pengen menabrakkan diriku ke kendaraan yang lewat". -Khairunnisa Rahma NovitasariTanggal 7 Januari kemarin jadi hari 'almost' terburuk dalam semester ini. Kenapa aku harus bete', PMS, nangis, etc sampai menyebabkan teman2ku jengkel. Cuma gara2 perkataan sepele yang dilontarkan beberapa teman, tapi bersamaan, yg membuatku kehilangan kendali mengeluarkan airmataku (not to mention ya, itu aku nangisnya di tempat umum, baca: warung lesehan). Rasanya campur aduk: marah, malu, pusing juga. Tapi nggak ada yg lebih menyakitkan hati daripada seorang teman, well... If she still considers me as a friend, mengingat menjadi teman butuh mutual agreement, berkata bahwa dia tak mengenaliku lagi. Entah operasi plastik apa yg kujalani, huehehehe. If it was because of unread messages on BBM, my harsh comments, or even the profil picture I insisted not to use, pardon me, I don't understand. I guess I was just membalas dendam apa yg orang lain telah lakukan pada saya, pada anda.
And...how am I supposed to say sorry, if you don't even want to look at me? Am I being punished now? I cried a river, you know...Honestly, to say that you don't know me anymore... Isn't that too much? Because even if it was a joke, I can't take it.After all the things we have done together...I even remember everything I've done with each of you guys...how could you...?I remember, on the first semester, when we were asked to get all biodata and signatures from our almamater, berdua aja minta ttd anak2 di kantin m3 padahal gak kenal siapa2. On third semester, you gave me surprises; a photo in a frame, Choki holding a banner saying happy birthday to me. What a nice gift! I was nineteen only! On fourth semester, in Nadhir's class. Something about 'Haiku' and we wanted to ask Mr. Choki, but Nadhir wouldn't let us. How I hated him at that time... On this very semester, how you hate me because of one event...I'm sorry...I've done things I couldn't have done if it was not with you, guys...Chasing Mr. H to get to his house, to greet him while he was holding his son, how cute...And not to put things aside, you accompany me through hard times; when I had to re-take that particular subject, there is always someone with me, we're fighting together, thanks...I don't know about you, but I know about me one thing: it would be the most regretful thing in the world if I hadn't known you.